This is one of many jokes and humorous articles I collected, mainly from USENET and similar
sources in the early to mid 1990s. They're really not very interesting nowadays.
From grog Thu Sep 25 09:32:22 1997
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Date: Thu, 25 Sep 1997 09:32:22 +0930
From: Greg Lehey <grog@lemis.com>
To: Greg Lehey <grog@lemis.com>, Yvonne Lehey <yvonne@lemis.com>
Subject: Re: FW: Funny: MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER
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INSTRUCTIONS FOR MICROSOFT'S NEW TV DINNER PRODUCT
You must first remove the plastic cover. By doing so you agree to
accept and honor Microsoft rights to all TV dinners. You may not
give anyone else a bite of your dinner (which would constitute an
infringement of Microsoft's rights). You may, however, let others
smell and look at your dinner and are encouraged to tell them how
good it is.
If you have a PC microwave oven, insert the dinner into the oven.
Set the oven using these keystrokes:
<\mstv.dinn.//08.5min50%heat// Then enter:
<ms//start.cook_dindin/yummy\|/yum~yum:-)gohot#cookme.
If you have a Mac oven, insert the dinner and press start. The oven
will set itself and cook the dinner.
If you have a Unix oven, insert the dinner, enter the ingredients of
the dinner (found on the package label), the weight of the dinner,
and the desired level of cooking and press start. The oven will
calculate the time and heat and cook the diner exactly to your
specification.
Be forewarned that Microsoft dinners may crash, in which case your
oven must be restarted. This is a simple procedure. Remove the
dinner from the oven and enter:
<ms.nodamn.good/tryagain\again/again.crap.
This process may haveto be repeated. Try unplugging the microwave
and then doing a cold reboot. If this doesn't work, contact your
hardware vendor. Many users have reported that the dinner tray is far
too big, larger than the dinner itself, having many useless
compartments, most of which are empty. These are for future menu
items. If the tray is too large to fit in your oven you will need to
upgrade your equipment. Dinners are only available from registered
outlets, and only the chicken variety is currently produced. If you
want another variety, call MicrosoftHelp and they will explain that
you really don't want another variety. Microsoft Chicken is all you
really need.
Microsoft has disclosed plans to discontinue all smaller versions of
their chicken dinners. Future releases will only be in the larger
family size. Excess chicken may be stored for future use, but must be
saved only in Microsoft approved packaging.
Microsoft promises a dessert with every dinner after '98. However,
that version has yet to be released. Users have permission to get
thrilled in advance. Microsoft dinners may be incompatible with other
dinners in the freezer, causing your freezer to self-defrost. This
is a feature, not a bug. Your freezer probably should have been
defrosted anyway.
