This is one of many jokes and humorous articles I collected, mainly from USENET and similar
sources in the early to mid 1990s. They're really not very interesting nowadays.
From adagio!unido!Germany.EU.net!mcsun!uunet!dtix!mimsy!afterlife!sjr Mon Aug 24 14:56:07 MST 1992
Article: 28123 of alt.folklore.computers
Path: adagio!unido!Germany.EU.net!mcsun!uunet!dtix!mimsy!afterlife!sjr
From: sjr@afterlife.ncsc.mil (Stephen J. Roznowski)
Newsgroups: alt.folklore.computers
Subject: Re: Need a copy of Creation of World in IBM JCL
Message-ID: <1992Aug22.133609.1211@afterlife.ncsc.mil>
Date: 22 Aug 92 13:36:09 GMT
References: <5520@mccuts.uts.mcc.ac.uk>
Organization: The Great Beyond
Lines: 70
Geoff Lane writes:
>
>I used to have a listing of an IBM JCL job which described the creation of
>the world in terms of IBM JCL commands. Does anyone have a copy they can
>send me?
I don't have this, but this request prompted me to dig through my old
files for this IBM programming annoucement and type it in. (Author
unknown)
Enjoy.
[Do any similar ones exist??]
===========================================
IBM
--------------------------------------------------------------
Data Processing Date: January 30, 1979
Division
** Programming Announcement **
NEW OPERATING SYSTEM
Because so many users have asked for an operating system
of even greater capability than VM, IBM announces the Virtual
Universe Operating System - OS/VU.
Running under OS/VU, the individual user appears to have
not merely a machine of his own, but an entire universe of his
own, in which he can set up and take down his own programs, data
sets, systems networks, personnel, and planetary systems. He
need only specify the universe he desires, and the OS/VU system
generation program (IEHGOD) does the rest. This program will
reside in SYS1.GODLIB. The minimum time for this function is
6 days of activity and 1 day of review. In conjunction with
OS/VU, all system utilities have been replaced by one program
(IEHPROPHET) which will reside in SYS1.MESSIAH. This program has
no parms or control cards, as it knows what you want to do when
it is executed.
Naturally, the user must have attained a certain degree
of sophistication in the data processing field if an efficient
utilization of OS/VU is to be achieved. Frequest calls to non-
resident galaxies, for instance, can lead to unexpected delays
in the execution of a job. Although IBM, through it wholly-
owned subsidiary, the United States, is working on a program to
upgrade the speed of light and thus reduce the overhead of
extraterrestrial and metadimensional paging, users must be careful
for the present to stay within the laws of physics. IBM must
charge an additional fee for violations.
OS/VU will run on any IBM 10101 equipped with Extended
WARP Feature. Rental is twenty million dollars per cpu/nanosecond.
Users should be aware that IBM plans to migrate all existing
systems and hardware to OS/VU as soon as our engineers effect one
output that is (conceptually) error-free. This will give us a
base to develop an even more powerful operating system, target
date 2001, designated "Virtual Reality". OS/VR is planned to
enable the user to migrate to totally unreal universes. To aid
the user in identifying the difference between "Virtual Reality"
and "Real Reality", a file containing a linear arrangement of
multisensory total records of successive moments of now will be
established. It's name will be SYS1.est.
For more information, contact your IBM data processing
representative.
--
Stephen J. Roznowski (sjr@afterlife.ncsc.mil)
