This is one of many jokes and humorous articles I collected, mainly from USENET and similar
sources in the early to mid 1990s. They're really not very interesting nowadays.
From lemis!Germany.EU.net!mcsun!uunet!munnari.oz.au!bruce.cs.monash.edu.au!monu6!yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au!brom Wed Sep 09 11:10:14 MST 1992
Article: 28948 of alt.folklore.computers
Path: lemis!Germany.EU.net!mcsun!uunet!munnari.oz.au!bruce.cs.monash.edu.au!monu6!yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au!brom
From: brom@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au (David Bromage)
Newsgroups: rec.humor,aus.jokes,alt.folklore.computers,comp.misc,sci.physics,sci.edu,aus.computers
Subject: Thoughts
Message-ID: <1992Sep8.075304.5164@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au>
Date: 8 Sep 92 07:53:04 GMT
Sender: news@monu6.cc.monash.edu.au (Usenet system)
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THOUGHTS
Lubarsky's Law of Cybernetic Entomology:
There's always one more bug.
Shaw's Principle:
Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will
want to use it.
Law of Selective Gravity:
An object will fall so as to do the most damage.
Watson's Law:
The reliability of machinery is inversely proportional to the
number and significance of any persons watching it.
The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the
stupidity of your action.
Hurewitz's Memory Principle:
The chance of forgetting something is directly proportional
to.....to........uh..............
A penny saved is ridiculous.
Non-Reciprocal Laws of Expectations:
Negative expectations yield negative results.
Positive expectations yield negative results.
Howe's Law:
Everyone has a scheme that will not work.
Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability:
Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
probable cost of errors, or until someone insists on getting
some useful work done.
Brook's Law:
Adding manpower to a late project makes it later.
Main's Law:
For every action there is an equal and opposite government
program.
"When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut."
Preudhomme's Law of Window Cleaning:
It's on the other side.
Slick's Three Laws of the Universe:
1) Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad
cheque.
2) A quarter-ounce of chocolate = four pounds of fat.
3) There are two types of dirt: the dark kind, which is
attracted to light objects, and the light kind, which is
attracted to dark objects.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-- Noelie Altito
Any small object that is accidentally dropped will hide under a
larger object.
As the trials of life continue to take their toll, remember that there
is always a future in Computer Maintenance.
Pohl's law: Nothing is so good that somebody, somewhere, will not hate
it.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that
will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which a procedure
can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way will promptly
develop.
Trivial pursuit -
The culmination of man's
never ending search for a
lack of purpose.
- B.C. -
Misfortune: The kind of fortune that never misses.
Positive: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
It has just been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.
Keep in mind always the two constant Laws of Frisbee:
1) The most powerful force in the world is that of a disc
straining to land under a car, just out of reach (this
force is technically termed "car suck").
2) Never precede any manoeuvre by a comment more predictive
than "Watch this!"
Frisbeetarianism: The belief that when you die, your soul goes up on
the roof and gets stuck.
Hofstadter's Law:
It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take
Hofstadter's Law into account.
"It is bad luck to be superstitious."
-- Andrew W. Mathis
The Principle of Inverse Visibility
The visibility of an object is inversely proportional to the
importance of finding it.
Origins: various
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David Bromage brom@yoyo.cc.monash.edu.au :
Monash University : "I think thinking is
Clayton, Victoria : so important"
Australia : -Baldrick
:
May the source be with you :
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All views expressed are my own except those which conflict with
my personal opinions.
